Now it’s clear! You are always trying to be at peace with whatever you think is going to happen 
When you believed Monkey 3a wasn’t going to happen, you were convincing yourself it was for the best.
Then you realized the secret could let you down, and you tell yourself you are OK with anything, even that it’s all a computer simulation.
Then you saw the art, and you say “It’s ok, I already knew that, I was prepared”.
But this way I’m afraid you will have a crackdown and be either in jail or in asylum by the time RTMI comes out.
my strategy is better, I direct my rage at 30 year old games.