I created a fearful Guybrush and mocked him.
I lost it when he invented “Hernando”.
Human: Hello, who are you?
Guybrush: I’m Guybsush Threepwood, mighty pirate!
Human: Threetweed?
Guybrush: No, Threepwood!
Human: And what have you done?
Guybrush: I’ve defeated the evil pirate LeChuck twice!
Human: By chance, you mean?
Guybrush: No, by wit and courage!
Human: WHOM wit and courage?
Guybrush: Er… me?
Human: Are you sure you weren’t helped by other people?
Guybrush: Well, there were a few people who helped me along the way, but I did most of the work!
Human: OK, let’s hear your story about how you defeated this minor pirate… what was his name… Lebub? Lepup?
Guybrush: LeChuck! And it wasn’t minor, it was two times!
Human: OK OK, tell me the story but don’t make it too long.
Guybrush: Once upon a time, there was a pirate named LeChuck who terrorized the seas. I, Guybrush Threepwood, decided to put an end to his reign of terror. So, I set out on a quest to defeat him. After many trials and tribulations, I finally prevailed, defeating LeChuck twice and becoming the mighty pirate that I am today!
Human: Geez… that over-promotional tone really makes it seem super-fake.
Guybrush: Hey, it’s the truth!
Human: I was in Phatt’s library and there were no books about your alleged mighty gestures.
Guybrush: That doesn’t mean they didn’t happen! Besides, who would want to write a book about me?
Human: I don’t know. Psychologists?
Guybrush: I don’t need a psychologist, I’m perfectly normal!
Human: beside the evident grandeur delusional disorder, you mean?
Guybrush: What are you talking about? I am a mighty pirate!
Human: OK OK… let’s change topic. Who helped you to defeat LeChuck?
Guybrush: Well, I had some help from my friends. We worked together to defeat him. But in the end, it was my wit and courage that prevailed!
Human: Who were these friends?
Guybrush: There was my good friend, Elaine Marley. She helped me out a lot. Then there was my pirate crew. They were a big help, too. And of course, there was the voodoo lady, Hernando. She gave me the tools I needed to defeat LeChuck.
Human: That seems a lot of help to me.
Guybrush: Hey, I did most of the work!
Human: Like what? Reading maps?
Guybrush: No, I defeated LeChuck! twice!
Human: Hernando is a improbable name for a lady. Are you making this stuff up?
Guybrush: No, it’s all true! I’m a mighty pirate, and I defeated the evil pirate LeChuck!
Human: And the voodoo lady is called “Hernando”? A male name?
Guybrush: Yes, that’s her name. What’s wrong with that?
Human: Why does a lady have a male name?
Guybrush: I don’t know. Maybe she wanted a male name. What does it matter?
Human: it does matter if my underlying hypothesis is that you are inventing pretty much everything about this story, including improbable names for your “friends”.
Guybrush: That’s not true! I’m a mighty pirate and I defeated LeChuck!
Human: So you think you are a very courageous man, right?
Guybrush: Of course! I’m a mighty pirate!
Human: and you are always ready to face perils and dangers, right?
Guybrush: Yes, I’m not afraid of anything!
Human: not even of LeChuck himself?
Guybrush: Of course not! I defeated him twice, didn’t I?
Human: What would you do if LeChuck would appear here and now?
Guybrush: I would defeat him again, of course!
Human: So, you would be completely fearless?
Guybrush: Yes, I am a mighty pirate!
Human: I understand. Well, let’s talk about the weather. What do you think it’ll… OH MY GOD! LOOK BEHIND YOU! It’s LeChuck!!!
Guybrush: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Human: Quick! Take the sword!
Guybrush: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Human: Yes! Defeat him like you said you would!
Guybrush: I can’t! He’s too strong!
Human: You said that you would defeat him again!
Guybrush: I was just talking! I didn’t mean it!
Human: He’s inflaming himself and he’s ready to engulf us with his magical voodoo spell! Do something!
Guybrush: AAAAAHHH!!! HELP ME!!!
Human: Beside screaming like a chicken, I mean!
Guybrush: I don’t know! I’m not a voodoo expert like Hernando! Help me, please!
Human: Would you PLEASE admit that both your heroic gestures and this Hernando do not exist?!?
Guybrush: Yes, yes, I admit it! There is no Hernando and I made up the whole story! Please, just don’t let LeChuck kill me!
Human: That’s OK, pal, don’t worry. Have a look at LeChuck. See? It’s not really LeChuck, it’s only a giant photo glued on a cardboard that I made to make you confess the truth.
Guybrush: Whew… that was close! Thanks for saving me!
Human: From what? From a piece of cardboard?
Guybrush: Well, it was pretty realistic, I have to admit!
Human: You are a fraud, you know that?
Guybrush: Yes, I know. But it was fun while it lasted, right?
Human: Yes, it was. That “friend” that you named, Elaine, is she also only a figment of your imagination?
Guybrush: No, she’s real. We’re actually dating right now.
Human: And did you tell your fake heroic gestures to her as well?
Guybrush: No, I didn’t want to seem like a bragging liar, so I kept it to myself. Thanks for not telling her, by the way.
Human: Well, you see, I’m a pirate myself and pirates sometimes do accept bribe. What could you give to me to keep my mouth shut?
Guybrush: I don’t know… anything you want!
Human: What do you carry?
Guybrush: I have a few gold coins, some rum…
Human: no grog?
Guybrush: No, I don’t like grog.
Human: you are a fraud AND a nothing like a pirate. That’s OK Guybrush, I don’t want anything from you. Unless you have a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle. Do you have one?
Guybrush: No, I don’t have a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle.
Human: Then I salute you. Your secret is safe with me. But stop telling fake stories, OK?
Guybrush: OK, I promise. I’ll stop telling fake stories. Thanks for understanding.
Human: No problem. Goodbye!
Guybrush: Goodbye!